Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Fall of Lord Voldemort

My fanfiction is based on a crossover between Death Note and Harry Potter. This story describes the defeat of Lord Voldemort through the use of the Death Note, and the consequence of the power it has given to Harry Potter.

Harry Potter laughed maliciously into the darkness of the forest. Voice echoing in the still silence. He had at last, fufilled his lifelong ambition. He had defeated Lord Voldemort. In the distance, Harry watched ahead with pure malevolence at the cloaked figure trembling, uncontrollably towards the earthy floor of the forest. The grotesque white face starred bewilderingly into the dark, the inanimate bodies of all his loyal Death Eaters lying hopelessly on the moist ground. With gradual steps, Harry walked over to where Voldemort now lay. He crouched down just far enough for Voldemort to see him, face to face.

“The supposed most powerful wizard of the world, is now lying at my very feet. Now how does that happen?! Well obviously if you knew, you wouldn’t be lying there looking so foolish would you?!” Harry laughed.

“You see, I have come to possess a certain book. One that allows me to kill anyone I like just by knowing their name and face. And so, here is the part where I must applaud you, for having your escaped convict followers land themselves with each of their faces in the Daily Prophet. You’ve really done too much!... Why I can’t even begin to thank you for showing your face here tonight!” Harry smirked at Voldemorts expression of confusement and began to clap his hands animatedly before continuing to speak.
“You see, the book I have is called a Death Note. I not only possess this Death Note, but I also posses the eyes of a Death God. Would you like me to elaborate on that more?!" He ridiculed.
"Well, the reason I applauded you is because I have the power to see the name and life span of anyone that walks this very earth. Sooooo, thaaaat means, not only am I able to gain knowledge of any persons real name without asking, but I can kill them as well, and by any means I feel like!”. Harry stood up from the ground and began walking vigourously around Voldemort.
“Since you can’t talk back to me, because I’ve cursed you until the point where your untimely death occurs, I should inform you that you should be dead in approximately... 20 seconds. Lucky you, you’ll be able to join all of your pathetic followers again!” Harry smirked.
“I just want you to know that this is unfortunately very personal. I guess I’m not comfortable with there being two renowned powerful beings in this world. I guess I felt there was not enough room. Well, time is running out and I should ensure you, that very shortly, you will, die, a most deserved, excruciating, fucking death”.
Harry began laughing aloud as he walked away from Voldemort, stopping momentarily to pick up something from the ground. As Harry examined the slender wand that had once belonged to Dumbledore and Voldemort, he took out the ripped piece of parchment in his pocket and cast a spell with the new wand, to levitate it back down towards the place where Voldemort lay. Like a feather, the parchment floated towards Voldemort, landing delicately in his outstretched hand.
Gripping it lightly and bringing it relunctantly towards his face, Voldemorts eyes widened with fear as he read each name of his deceased followers, written boldly on the parchment. Beside each name was a description of how they would die, and the time in which it would happen. As he gritted his teeth together, anger rising in his veins, he crumpled the parchment into his fist, using the last remaining power he had left in his body.
Suddenly, Voldemort began to shake and choke on the nothingness that seemed to engulf his lungs. His eyes filled with terror as the Death God Rem towered before him, smiling with his clown-like mouth, black eyes staring vehemently down at him. As Voldemort struggled to breath he clasped his skeletal white fingers around his own throat, trembling, and screaming into the dead night. With a final, loud shrieking of pain, blood began bursting from his eardrums, pouring out through his tightened lips and falling slowly out of the very corners of his eyes. Harry laughed to himself in the distance. The sound of the trees in the Forbidden Forest, echoed in the silence, the roots of the trees scraped the forest floor, dragging the fresh corpses beneath the earthy soil.
It had almost been 3 months since the defeat of Lord Voldemort. The wizarding world had fallen into the power of Harry Potter. Day by day, more bodies of wizards and witches surfaced the annihilated streets. Some of them deserved it. Most did not. There was a heavy silence that stunned the world. People lived in fear of being killed by the omnipotent, Harry Potter. Those who followed him did so unwillingly, but at least it ensured their own families were safe. As the Ministry of Magic finally fell, Harry took over control, and enforced new laws for the wizarding world to follow. Any one who did not obey them was killed along with their families.
Harry Potter smiled with satisfaction as he walked down the run-down streets of Hogsmeade. With wand and Death Note in Hand, he trudged the heavy snow beneath his invisiblity cloak, the Death God - Rem, hovering beside him. As he walked into the Hogshead pub around the corner, he smirked slightly at the unsuspecting witches and wizards, their names and lifespans floating above each of their heads. Harry took out the Elder wand from his pocket and transfigured the tip into a black dipped brush. As the last pages of the book closed silently in his hand, the Hogshead was silent.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Andrews Fanfic :O

My fanfic is about how the world of Avatar would be if they had lost the war.

Darkness… Fear… Uncertainty… The only words that could possibly describe the world we live in. A constant scarlet stains the sky – the flames of the fire nation slowly but surely destroy everything in its wake. The “fire flood” was the Fire Lords’ idea; burn everything to the ground, ensuring that the people of the other nations have no hope. But we lost our hope a long time ago… The Avatar.
 Our last drop of hope was taken from us; violently and swift. Everyone would pass on rumours of the Avatar and his companions’ ploys to dethrone the Fire Lord and dismantle his empire. Villages would commune and pray for the Avatar, for the Avatar was their only chance at freedom from the Fire Nation.
When word of the Avatars death surfaced people lost hope, their tenacity and will to live seemed to wither. Farms went unharvested, ripe fruit left to spoil. Our village became a bleak place to live and finally when the flames of the fire flood were seen over the horizon everything turned into anarchy. The Avatar united us; with him gone we were lost, fleeing the inevitable. My parents used to tell me that things will turn out ok, even joke that we will own a farm and orchid – They sit in silence now, their faces as uncertain as the coming future.
Katara breathed deeply. “Was there anything that we could have done..?” she thought. “Anything that could have changed the way things unfolded” She shuddered as a tear emerged. She looked up as Zuko approached. “We have to keep moving” he sighed. “Is this what our lives are now? The constant running and hiding just to survive? Survive for what!” Zuko screamed as he spat a breath of fire at the ground.
“We can’t give up hope, not for our own sakes. But for everyone that has died fighting for freedom and peace” – Katara tried to appear confident, but as she looked around at the faces of her friends, she knew it was useless.
They had been running for 3 months now, Ever since the Avatar lost the battle with the Fire Lord they retreated into hiding, praying that the reincarnated Avatar would emerge and ignite the world’s beacon of hope. Everyday they would hear more ill news of the fates of other rebel forces. Everyday they would be forced to scavenge through rubble and burnt paddocks to find anything edible to sustain them for one more day, just to repeat the cycle.
Even if by some miracle the Avatar was reborn and they found it. It would be merely a child, the war had only ended 2 months ago and yet half the world was engulfed in flame. It seemed all pointless, an impossible task.
Katara ran the moment of the Avatar’s death through her mind like quicksilver, again and again. The pain of knowing her family and everyone she loved will soon be dead throbbed through her constantly. Katara jumped as a stale piece of bread thudded besides her.
“C’mon we have to keep moving” Zuko urged.

Keegan's Fanfic

Tekken: Birth of the Street Fighter

Synopsis
My fanfic has been a crossover between three popular and ongoing video game storylines: Tekken, Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter. The story itself is about a rogue warrior (Ryu) who is looking to avenge his father's death at the hands of Jinpachi Mishima several years before this the tournament takes place. Ryu takes his time working his way up the ladder before reaching his final fight with Jinpachi, which can take place in a sequel to this.


It was a cold, dark winter night. The air was cool but calm with nothing but the sound of cheers and excitement roaring throughout the halls of the Outer Realm Palace. The main fighting arena was host to thousands of people who had travelled from many other realms to witness the greatest fighting tournament ever to exist: The King of the Iron Fist Tournament.

A single, sandy ring lay foot in the centre of this great arena, with thousands of eyes laid upon it. A tall, muscular figure stood alone in the middle of this ring, head down, hands clenched into fists with the sweat from his forehead dripping down the sides of his face.

A sudden silence fell upon the crowd creating a spine-chilling atmosphere sending fear into the eyes of the people that were watching. The fearful eyes of the people that watched looked to the large balcony that stretched out over the ring, along with the lone figure that stood at its centre. There were three seats that were filled by the masters of the tournament with a forth empty seat situated at the end of the other three. A dark, shadowy figure started to emerge from the tunnel behind the masters with footsteps that struck reverence into the eyes of those who lay witness to such a sight. He was the forth and final master of the Tournament, and Leader of the Outer Realm: Jinpachi Mishima.

Jinpachi was known to be the greatest and most powerful master out of the four masters. So powerful was such a man, that not one of his fellow leaders dare defy his orders. Jinpachi finally entered the arena with his large, fearful footsteps continuing to echo throughout the arena sending more fear through those that were watching. The large beast of a man began to take his place in his chair continuing to look over the arena and finally the lone character standing in the middle of the ring.

"So you made it to the final Ryu, I guess I underestimated you" Jinpachi said.

His deep and horrifying voice ricocheted off of the walls in the arena creating an essence of death to those in the arena with every word he spoke.

"Your father would be proud" Jinpachi grunted.

Ryu stood there speechless; his hands began to tighten into a fist so tight that his over sized veins began pop out of his skin. He slowly raised his head so that he could make direct eye contact with Jinpachi. A sense of power seemed to project from this warriors glare, a sense of revenge. The frown on his face said it all, he was there to win.

The smirk on Jinpachi's face seemed to widen with enjoyment when he finally announced to all that watched "I now call out our 6 time Realm defending champion; Scorpion!"

A sudden roar exploded from the crowd. Cheers and excitement all packed together to create a sound so loud that glass bottles around the arena began to shatter. A gate towards the entrance of the ring was seen to rise with the image of a tall, black figure emerging from the darkness. He was dressed in a black and gold ninja-like uniform with a metal mask in the shape of a skull covering his nose and mouth. Confidence was seen to follow this fighter everywhere, but was mostly seen through his pale white eyes which had demon written all over them.

Ryu still showed no emotion as Scorpion entered the ring. The two stood side by side facing Jinpachi and the other Masters.
"LET THE MATCH BEGIN!!!!!" Jinpachi bellowed enthusiastically.
The two warriors bowed once to the masters, then turned to face each other to bow again. Ryu's thoughts constantly seemed to be racing through his mind,

"I've been waiting for this moment ever since this creature claimed the life of my father. I have to win this not only for him but also me and the entire Earth."

Both fighters prepared and moved into their fighting stances. They glared one another in the eye waiting for the call.

"This is it" Ryu thought. "Only one shall leave this arena victorious. That one will be me."

Jinpachi stood there, chest out again ready to bellow. "FIGHT!!!!!!"

The match began with a swift kick by Scorpion to Ryu's head with a series of formative punches and quick kicks to the downed warrior’s torso and head. Scorpion stepped away from the challenger back into his original fighting stance. Ryu slowly rose to his feet again bleeding from the mouth and a small cut at the tip of his forehead
"Get over here!" Scorpion yelled. The long chain around Ryu's wrist was seen to project from the open palm of Scorpion's hand. The crowd watched in awe as Ryu was being thrown around the ring helpless with this great weight wrapped around his wrist.

All when it seemed that Ryu had given up and that Earth's only hope was now on the verge of defeat, a sudden spark in Ryu's eye seemed to project the true warrior within. A sudden power deep within Ryu's soul started to emerge and show his true power. Ryu grabbed the chain around his wrist and pulled Scorpion towards him with this new power he had just gained. Simultaneously, he cupped his hands at his side preparing for a move so powerful that it even made Jinpachi sit on the edge of chair.

"HHHAAAADDDOOOUUUKKKEEENNN!!!!!!!"

A huge beam of light propelled from Ryu's cupped hands heading towards the stunned body of Scorpion. The light was so bright that it blinded not only the audience but all four masters as well.
As Ryu's Hadouken came to an end, so did the match. Scorpion’s body seemed to have vanished from existence with nothing but his metal face mask left in the centre of the ring.  A completely baffled crowd watched in wonder as Ryu rose to his feet once again and faced the four masters.

He slowly raised his index finger of his right hand to point at Jinpachi.

“Jinpachi Mishima, I’m coming for you” Ryu yelled as he turned to walk out of the arena. An eruption of cheers rang from every person from the Earth Realm within the arena. Claps and anger roared through the palace with some Outer Realm fans attempting to attack Ryu. But he didn’t care; he continued to walk calmly and confidently towards the exit knowing that one day he will have his revenge.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Fan Fiction


The Doctor's latest companion has found herself trapped on the TARDIS in space. The TARDIS is self-destructing and worse of all, the doctor has gone missing. His companion must somehow save the TARDIS from self-destructing and try to find two women whom a mysterious man claims can help her.

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The Doctor's companion had been flying the TARDIS in autopilot since his disappearance almost two weeks before. The initial buzz of “Time Travel” and “Space” had long worn off. She was of course, suspended in space, starring into nothing. To her it felt like she was in limbo or worse, drowning in worry. As each day paased by, she could sense the TARDIS’s power grow weaker as if it knew its captain was gone. It was a lonely and abandoning feeling.

She had begun to wonder, like she had been doing for the last eleven days- asking herself the same question,  If she had known he was going to up and leave her, accidentally or not, would she still have come all the way out here?  The answer would always and indefinately be yes. She was bored of her old life. Stuck behind that counter, serving people who were hocking their lives off for a measley score. She wanted out. The Doctor was her out.
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It had been a month since their first encounter in her suburban pawn shop. She was reading an Agetha Christie book when a tall young man had strolled in, and peered over to her side of the counter.
“I meet her once, you know?” He tapped her book whilst looking at her. “Agetha Christie. Clever woman she was... Ah, brings back such fond memories. Although I don't quite remember when or where we meet.”
At first, she thought he was a bit cuckoo. Good looking nonetheless, but a bit loose in the head for her liking. Plus he dressed like her grandfather.
“Ah...Right? Can I help you with something Sir?” She barely took her eyes off her book.
“No...No...Not really... Actually, now that I think of it, you can.” He answered.
That was that and into space they went. 

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She must've drifted of to sleep at some point on that thirteenth day, because when she woke, all hell seemed to have broken loose. For starters, the TARDIS was in self-destruct mode, there were sirens and red lights everywhere, and there was an emergency video playing. There was a mysterious man speaking in the video. He didn't say who he was, but to her he seemed familiar.  On closer inspection of the video she could only make out a few words, or names rather. "Donna, Martha knows where she is. She knows what to do" She didn't understand, Donna, Martha? Who are these people?What do they know?

It was at that moment the Doctor's cellphone rung. Cellphone. Damn it! Why didn't I think of that? He had left it on top of the steering shaft before he went. She had missed the call (it was from Martha) but at least she had found something to send out a distress call. She hit the redial button and got Martha. She explained the situation. Within minutes, the TARDIS had stopped it's self-destruct sequence and everyhing seemed fine again.
"I don't know what happened there" Martha replied. "It seems the old girl was in a bit of a titsy. Oh yeah and by the way, if you're wondering where the Doctor is you don't have to worry. We're not going to be putting you in the simulation chamber again, Gwen"
"I'm going to get you guys back for this." She replied.

Chloe's Ten Fanfic Collections

Harry Potter


 The story begins with a heated argument firing between the happy couple - Hermione and Draco, against Ron Weasley, Hermione’s ex and father of her children. Ron is infuriated that she is with the man he absolutely loathes and cannot see the logic in why she would end up with someone like him. As he has come to see his children, whom he has never supported because he left them, he tries to enforce his ‘visitation rights’ of which Hermione denies him of. The love between Hermione and Draco becomes truly evident as Hermione sees how much Draco adores and cares about her and her children.

The text in this fan fiction is almost entirely of dialogue. The writer has used really explicit language to show the infuriation of the current situation and the feelings between the two parties. “What the fuck Hermione! You’re fucking him?”

The dialogue is really good in the way that it is completely realistic and logical and you are really able to visualize the scene without needing to read any bits in between to give you more information. The information and description is simply there in itself already. I think the writer did a really good job in showing the relationship between the 3 of them in a ‘real world’ context. Because it is a continuation of the lives of three people in their adulthood, it does seem appropriate for them to be speaking in such profanity since they are no longer the innocent children they used to be.

“Dear Lord Voldemort”

This fanfiction piece is based on the perplexity of a very young girl who witnessed Voldemort killing her parents. As a small child she writes him a letter, of which she keeps over years and years, unable to forget the unfortunate events of her parents’ untimely death.
I think this fanfic does work as far as perspective goes. You are definitely able to decipher that this is coming from a small child because the language is appropriate to the youthful naivety of the character. Because it is a childs view, the language is not really descriptive, yet its simplicity is enough to give you an image of the confusion and trauma coming from the eyes of an innocent child. This piece is definitely intended to be emotional but personally I found I wasn’t able to connect as much as I wanted to, because the writing was almost entirely grammatically correct.  Obviously from a child that young, you would expect to see a few spelling errors or even a missing apostrophe?! I think if the writer had written it in this format it would have fit her description in the first paragraph – “The handwriting is the awkward script of a young child still learning how letters are meant to be formed”, as well as making it a lot more believable and realistic.

Ron & Hermione

Ron and Harry have finished school and are about to embark on new ventures together, over to America to become Aurors. Ron must leave behind his best friend and girlfriend of 2 years, Hermione, who discovers something not long after Ron leaves, that will inevitably change both of their lives forever.
This has to be one of the best fanfic pieces i have read thus far. The story has a great sense of imagery in it, nice description, with a lot of familiar subjects in it that you can relate to easily from within the HarryPotter storyline. It could well be published as a book following the last one of the series. Because the language used is quite descriptive, I think the writer did really well in paragraphing the text appropriately, so that you always got a sufficient amount of information to hold your attention to the suspense of the scene. I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter, and I am anticipating continuing to the second. 

Lilly and James

Lilly Evans is the new Head Girl for Hogwarts School, and to her dismay, her rival James Potter is Head Boy. Lilly loathes James and his friends for their mischievous ways, yet nothing Lilly does or says can make James like her any less.
I found this fanfiction, like the previous one analyzed, to be really, really well written. It is clever, humorous but insightful, and not too descriptive or wordy, which I think I find more easy and pleasurable to read. The text flows freely and the paragraph structure works well to break in the appropriate places.  I also noticed that the dialogue is written superbly as well. There is hardly any unnecessary text in-between dialogue, and it is realistic. The writer obviously read the Harry Potter series a lot because there were a nice variety of subjects within the original storyline that had been used and incorporated into this fanfic piece, to make it more believable.  I thought overall it was a good first chapter and it worked really well as a piece that would fit as a separate book to the HP series.
Draco & Hermione

“He had seen her the moment he stepped into the restaurant. He always knew where she was. It was as if his heart was imbedded with a compass and she was his constant North. Wherever she was, he was sure to follow.”

It is Valentine’s Day and Hermione Granger is being stood up from her blind date set up by the suave Mr. Draco Malfoy. She is actually in love with Draco at this time who she regrettably understands to already have a girlfriend. She waits in the restaurant recalling the events which had led her into falling in love with him. Draco also soon discovers he is falling in love with her and so he breaks up with his girlfriend, not telling Hermione until the opportune moment (Valentine’s Day) where he tells her of his fake-blind-date-set-up in the ploy to finally announce his love for her.

I found this fan fiction to be incredulously cheesy. Though I personally am not a fan of “cheesy” romances, I think it worked well with this particular piece. The story is written in 3rd person and switches between the two characters and the dialogue between them. This story starts off really well, the imagery is good and you are able to follow with what’s going on. However, as you get to the dialogue part, you become unfocussed because it is no longer a story, but just a whole lot of words to get you quickly from this part to the next. The writer used some really good words in the story, though unfortunately she used some of these more than once, which took away the power and meaning of the word itself within different parts of the text. I think if the writer focused on making the dialogue more realistic than descriptive, the story could have worked a little bit better.

Ginevra Nymphadora Black

This fanfic is based on the daughter of Tonks and Sirius. Ginervra - “Ginny”, has lost both her parents by the time she is 11 and is then sent off to live with her fathers family. This doesn’t work out very well for her, but in time she is able to escape and is rescued by her fathers house elf, who then looks after her and prepares her for her new start at Hogwarts School.
The opening paragraph was okay, nothing majorly out of place about it. But from that point, the entire story jumped all over the place and there was really no connection between the paragraphs. There were a lot of really obvious errors within the text, the punctuation and grammar were often incorrect and the frequent forgetting of a comma ensured your confusion by then end of the full stop.  Much of the text was boring, there was no real imagery in the words, not much description and a lot of ‘useless’ information. There was no suspense or excitement within the plot. It was incredibly, incredibly hard to keep reading on. I felt as though I had been forced fed all this information that really could have been spread nicely over 5 chapters. The storyline is actually fine, but if the writer had tried to connect the paragraphs together or even made each of them more detailed or descriptive, it could have worked. Oh and re-correcting grammatical errors could have made a difference as well.

Avatar: The Last Airbender/ Harry Potter

Zuko and Azula attend their very first day at Hogwarts, anticipating which House the sorting hat will put them in. Zuko watches as his malevolent sister makes it easily into Slytherin, which will be much to the delight of their father Ozai. Zuko waits to get sorted, hoping to be put into Slytherin as well, but the sorting hat chooses otherwise.
As far as grammar and general imagery in the text goes, I think this fanfic piece was okay. However, the storyline is very unoriginal and the characters from Avatar have only replaced the characters of Harry Potter. I was quite disappointed about this because I thought there could have been something different about this storyline, being that perhaps each student were sorted according to which element they possessed (fire, earth, water, air). But sadly, there was no real introduction to anything different within this first chapter. The dialogue and paragraphing is good, no major errors, and the language is not overly descriptive. I think this piece does work, but could have been better, had there been a bit more inclusions of subjects within the Avatar storyline.

Kingdom Hearts/ Harry Potter

Sora, Riku and Kairi see a dashing light fall rapidly from the sky. Kairi gets there just in time to catch what appears to be a small baby boy. It is then that they meet Harry, who they will raise as their own.
Personally, I found this fanfic to be really amateur. I realize that most fanfiction are written by little 15 year old kids who are over-obsessive about characters and storylines, but this one just lacked things in certain places all the time. At some points you were starting to believe in the authors writing ability, but then you were disappointed by its cheeziness and its unreliable variance between over-described paragraphs, and “nothing” ones. You simply kept jumping from being overwhelmed with a tonne of information, and then getting bored with what you had.  I think with the dialogue also, the writer tried too hard to show the tone of the scene with too much narration. It would’ve been simpler and clearer without consistently having lines follow such as – “the island boy said… she commented jokingly…She queried”. Including narrative constantly after the dialogue is just so unnecessary that in fact it makes you bored just reading it.
Though the vocabulary in this piece was quite alright, as were some of the descriptiveness in the passages, I was very disappointed by the end of it, and sadly very disconnected from the story through utter boredom.

Rose Weasley & Scorpius Malfoy

After an eventful party, Rose discovers she is pregnant with the child of her unlikely match, Scorpius Malfoy.
This piece is written in first person, from the perspective of Rose Weasley, daughter of Hermione and Ron. I found this fanfic to be a really good read, and I thoroughly enjoyed the small bits of humor scattered within it. The text is written quite realistically and it works well, particularly because you are really able to connect with the character this way and to understand how she is feeling, being a young girl, pregnant, and realizing its inevitable affect on herself and those around her. The grammar was quite good with this piece, it made sense, and the vocabulary was good too. I also noticed they way the narrative was structured, being a paragraph of long descriptive sentences, and then a short simple one on its own. This writing pattern worked well because the writer kept building up the tension with the suspense of the scene, and then drop you, and then build you up some more and then continue the cycle. This writing technique really made me want to keep reading on.

The End of Lord Voldemort

This fanfic is based on the final battle between Harry and Voldemort. Of course it eventually comes to its inevitable end, and Harry proves triumphant over his enemy. This fanfic describes the final curse that struck even through the land, revealing its true glorious power upon it.
I thought this piece was rather interesting. It described the events of which the Dark Lord and his followers fell, but I personally felt like the landscape in the story was more important than them. Perhaps it was because I could really visualize the writer’s descriptiveness in all the destructive effect it had on the land, and also its rough appearance thereafter. It made me feel the intensity of the situation, the emotion of the characters and their awe of what it had done to the ground they stood on. The language in this piece is so visual, clear and realistic that I am still imagining myself falling from the shaking grounds, as I am writing this very review.  
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Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Andrew's Top 10 Fanfics

Avatar The Last Air Bender

This Fanfic is about "Mai" (should be Mei) who after loosing her lover - "Fire lord Zuko", is confronted by "Katara" - Firelord Zuko's Wife. The two talk about their deep emotions and hidden feelings about the events that followed the ending of the war.

This piece is written in 3rd person, the author uses very descriptive adjectives and verbs which successfully conveys the characters emotions to the audience. The Last Air Bender is a Cartoon intended for children and younger teenagers,  Using sentences such as 'That's why the few times we actually had sex, he called your name instead of mine.' I felt the author took away the innocence of the story.

"Red and Blue" (fanfic about Katara and Zuko)

This fanfic is about Katara and Zuko two characters from "different beginnings" who keep crossing paths and slowly develop a relationship that evolves into love. The characters soon find out each others past and that their love can never be fully realised as they are from two extremes of the scale.

The story is in 3rd person, the author does a good job of describing each scene which allows the reader to enjoy the story and follow each scene. The entire story is saturated in cheesy love story extracts and in my opinion is one big cliche. The author is obviously a love deprived teenager desperately looking for her romeo.

Ty Lees Adventures
This fanfic is about the character TyLee and her sisters, recently orphaned they have joined the circus.

This story is in third person. Although the author is fairly descriptive I felt the whole piece felt very childish, the story had no real substance. But I understand that fanfics are supposed to be short in length and it is hard to weave intricate plots into the story.
The author has apparently never learnt about commas, I thought short sentences were used to build tension so I was expecting a dramatic turn of events... I was sadly disappointed. Throughout the story there is no climax or even lead up to a climax, the story is almost too good to be true. The characters begin by denying the princess of the fire nation and then go on to cure the blind. d(-_-)b ...

Ryuu the lost Fire Bender Chapter 1

This Fanfic is about a young girl  Ryuu on the island of "Zangku" where bending is forbidden. Ryuu is fascinated about fire and curiosity gets the better of her.

The piece written in first person is extremely descriptive as well as realistic, this lures the reader in as the scenes are easily visualized. After reading many bland and plot less fanfics I enjoyed reading this piece as I felt it not only had a plot, the author had a decent vocabulary which helped with picturing the story. The author took time to establish the basis of the story which also helps the reader enjoy the story as they understand the background to the story.

Being only the first chapter I felt this was an excellent start to the story and I feel intrigued to search for the next chapters.

Ryuu the Lost Fire Bender Chapter 2

This is the second chapter of the last piece I reviewed. Now the young curious girl Ryuu is invited to join a group of roaming traders to explore the world she has never know, but always dreamed about.

It is again written in first person. There is a lot of good description and feeling in the piece. This being the second chapter and the protagonist is already moving off the explore the world I feel this story is moving at a good pace, keeping the reader interested and enthralled in the story.

A History of Bending Pt.1: The Four Nations "Chapter 1: The First Benders"

This fanfic is about an idea that certain gifted people in the land of the four nations have the god given ability to transform into beasts, these beasts are the where the people learnt their bending from.

The piece is written as an extract out of a book, the level of language and grammar used in this piece is at a high level. Which adds to the realism of reading a book. The idea that the people of the four nations learnt their bending powers by watching and imitating the movements of beasts and symbols of their own cultures, is a lot more believable than random people in each nation are just born gifted. This gives the feeling that what your reading is a real extract from a history book.

The Waterbending Master - beginning extract.

This fanfic is the beginning of a story called " the water bending master" It begins with "Iroh" a disgraced ex general of the fire nation frantically trying to find signs that his nephew (Zuko) survived the explosion that was supposed to be the assassination of Zuko.

The piece is written in third person. I felt the author expanded on his ideas too much, in my opinion the piece could be short end by 200 words to make it slightly less dull and more direct. Fanfic readers generally have background knowledge to original story, So authors shouldn't write too much on the background information.

Avatar Chat Room

This is the authors description of how an Chat room filled with characters from Avatar would turn out.

The author has successfully combined elements of modern society such as cars, cell phones and computers into avatar society which is still very technologically deprived. The author also takes plots from the original story and weaves them into the conversations between the characters which I thought was very clever. Although this piece does not have any substance or plot I felt the author did a good job in writing a more humorous piece. *clap clap*

"Playing Games"

This fanfic is about the characters of avatar having a jovial game of hide and seek.

This author begins with tension -"
My heart pounded against my rib cage violently as I tried to quiet my breathing. The creaking in the hall way was only getting louder, but hope fully it would pass. Keep going. I mentally pleaded with my pursuer, peaking through the slats in the closet in which I was hiding. Just keep- "  the excellent adjectives and short sentences added to the tension and gave a feeling of being in danger. Then the author reveals that the protagonist is playing a game of hide and seek, The author does a fantastic job of switching moods.
The author uses a lot of euphemisms and metaphors from the original story which gives a sense of being a real story from the original Avatar.

The Gangs Little 'Vacacion'

This fanfic is about the characters planning a VACATION.

The author obviously has not learned how to use spell check or use capital letters properly. But besides the copious grammatical errors there seems to be evidence of a plot, being only the first piece of the whole story the author does a good job of telling the story and the background in few enough words that fans of Avatar don't get bored reading a story about a vacation where the original story of Avatar is packed with excitement.



Keegan's 10 Fanfic

Tekken/ Streetfighter: The Iron World Warrior Tournament

This Particular Fanfic is a crossover between two original game franchises: Street Fighter and Tekken . The author has written it in third person in a way that helps the reader to visualize these scenes as a movie-like situation. The description of the clothes was abit excessive and major characters mentioned in the opening were not even mentioned but on the whole quite a good read and easy to visualize what is going on. This was written in the present tense and quite a good spin off which will also help others to expand on the idea.

Mortal Kombat- Scorpion's Revenge

The author has written this using a third person POV in the present tense, with  touches of past tense used every now and then. A nice spin-off at the end of the story was used which is able to keep the reader asking for more and becoming more anxious. The core structure of Mortal Kombat is still kept such as the rivalry between sub-zero and scorpion with a nice variation on the killer of scorpions family. The setting of this story jumps all over the place from before the tournament, during the tournament to a few years later etc.

Airbender- The Black Fire & The Blue Spirit

The author has presented the main character to us through the use of a 1st person point of view. The use of this POV helps the reader build a closer relationship with the character and get a better understanding of the situations he is in. The story is seen to be a continuation of the original Avatar series but with this story being presented to us through the eyes of another character. The main "elements" of the original avatar story are still the base of this new avatar off-set with a few variations of the powers. A nice piece of work but towards the middle /end of the story strayed off topic otherwise it was quite a good read.

Ninja Assassin- The 12 Zodiacs

This was a nice piece of fanfiction work. The author uses a prologue at the start to tell the reader how this is continued on from the original story. The POV is mostly written in 3rd person and presented us as a sequel from the first movie. Again the main ideas of the movie are still present here such as the main character, and the ninja like qualities and skills which made the first movie what it was. The end of this fanfic also has present a cliff hanger with Kirkiko's sister now starting to form a bond with Raizo. This is set in either the present or sometime in the near-future.

Tekken- Battle's Within

This is seen to be the first chapter of possibly a short story series. This fanfic is mostly in 3rd person POV and is mostly dominated by dialogue. The author used probably just the right amount of dialogue as too much would provide alot of back and forth situations, and too little would just cause the story to just drag on and get nowhere. As the Tekken storyline does jump a round abit and has a lot of pathways it can take, the author here is seen to provide their own beginning of their Tekken series. It is most likely set after Tekken 3 sometime and set in the present.

Airbender- Stormbenders

A fairly long but good spin-off of the original Avatar: The Last Airbender. This piece of fanfic introduces a new element that can be controlled which adds more pathways for other fanfics. This story is written in 3rd person and is set sometime either after Aang defeated the fire lord or sometime along their journey to learn the elements. This is a good fanfic which also presents a good sense of originality with the use of a new race: the stormbenders. The main characters are still kept such as Sokka, Katara, Zuko, Aang and Toph so there is still that foundation of the original Avatar still there and not straying too far off of the main storyline but perhaps also creating a new adventure and taking the Avatar series down a new pathway.

Tekken- The Kazama Mishima Connections 2

This takes the Tekken story line through another pathway and through eyes of Jin Kazama's mother, Jun Kazama. The author uses a third person POV throughout the entire chapter with dialogue dominating most of the text. The text is set during the present time and around about the time of the King of the Iron Fist Tournament 4. Again, this author still uses the original characters from the Tekken series, but creates a new storyline about Jun Kazama. This was a nice take on the Tekken storyline as the reader is able to get a feel of who Jun Kazama is and what she has gone through in her life. It also gives detail about the character so that people won't be confused to who she is. Quite a nice piece of work to read.

Mortal Kombat- Smoke And Ice

This is quite a descriptive piece of fanfiction, due to the fact that the author explains in detail where this story takes place within the Mortal Kombat series. The author has also taken this down another pathway and jumps from setting to setting which are clearly stated by the sub-headings. The author has written this as a sequel to either the main original storyline or as a sequel of his own series. This piece of work can also be seen to be the start of an episode with the use of a rhetorical question creating a cliff hanger. This work is written in 3rd person POV giving the reader the chance to get a more broader sense of what is going on instead of being all one-sided if it was in 1st person POV. Again this author has kept main characters and has also brought back a new sub-zero which still continues the rivalry between sub-zero and scorpion. Again a nice read.

Tekken- The Jin Saga 2

This particular fanfic is more of the author's view of what happened to Heihachi Mishima and also of how Devil Jin came to be again. It more or less targets the transformation again of Jin Kazama into Devil Jin. The story is written in 3rd person POV to help create the effect for the reader to get a more broader look at what the situation is. It also helps the reader understand what happened at the Mishima labs and the explosion and how it came around and also who instigated it. The tense that the author has used is the present tense so that the reader won't be dragging behind in the past waiting for something to happen. Very little conversation takes place throughout this story but it was still a good read as it still continues the storyline of the Tekken series but through the view point of yet another author.


Tekken/Street Fighter- Street Fighter x Tekken

This is another video link. This definitely can be classed under fanfiction as this again is a crossover between the two gaming series: Street Fighter and Tekken. This in fact is a video game that is due to come out soon. The creators of the game have taken fighting games to another level by combining two of the most popular gaming series together in one. The down side of this game is the fact that the two games differ in some major aspects which make the games what they are today. What I mean by this is that in Street Fighter, you can see that they use "super powers" (as shown by Ryu performing his legendary Hadoken), whereas in Tekken they only use standard fighting skills and only have electrical outburst when showing it is going to be a powerful attack. However, the main characters are still seen to be kept such as Kazuya(Tekken) and Ryu( Street Fighter). This new game also is seen to incorporate the tag team feature as seen on many street fighter games and also Tekken Tag. This still to me seems to be a powerful piece of fanfiction by taking the two games, power against power and bringing them under one roof. Again still quite a clever piece of work and something that will again open up more pathways for fanfiction and creating opportunities for people to alter the story lines of both games, such as Ryu is Kazuya's long lost son etc.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Sheridan FanFics

My 10 Fanfics (to be expanded)

Fanfic #1

Doctor Who- Time Crash
When Rose Taylor (in the blog its Rose Smith) is with Doctor #10 fixing his ship the TARDIS, suspended in space, both her and Doctor #10 encounter a stranded space traveller who happens to be the fifth incarnation of the Doctor (#5).

Tense is used in 3rd Person throughout the story with references to the first and second person as well in dialouges- this makes it easier for the reader to understand who is doing what.
In the second paragraph the author has used alot of descriptive words to describe the scene - TARDIS ie the red flashing alarms. The author uses past/present tenses, ie he sprawled while trying etc. the dialouges are almost always writen on the next line with the corresponding actions and there is a little bit of CUT/CHANGE in the story like the author wants to add action sequence to the story.
I personally thought this fan fic was a little to long but the author storytelling is very detailed but not too precise.

Fan Fic #2
Doctor Who (#11)- Adrift

This a just a short but still detailed story about Doctor #11.

This Fan Fic, focuses alot more on the doctors emotions and inner thoughts as he is exiled into Limbo.

Again, this author is writting in third person and sentences are short. All sentences have one idea or action to them but they have used comas to link the characters actions, to thoughts, or a reality POV. i.e "He sighs, knowing that she'll no longer be waiting for him in the past, that's all been erased now."
The author has kept the tense of the story to past/present, but all dialouges are written in the present tense. Dialouges are First person POV.

Although this story was short, I liked the way the author took on the characters emotions and thoughts. I want to create something like this for my fan fiction, in the way the characters inner emotions are slightly seen on the surface.

Fanfic #3
Doctor 10, Martha & Donna Chronicals

I like how the author includes characters from different series and interweaves them.
Even though the author has written about Doctor, Martha and Donna they have only really acknowledged the Doctor and Donna. There is a mention of Martha at the beginning of the story.
Again, the tense is written in passive and third person.

Fanfic #4
closer than you think

of course this is an alternative for #10 after he had been missing for a few weeks. It involves crossovers from the Sarah Jane Chronicals and Torchwood. Basically the companions are worried about the Doctors wrecklessness (Donna's memory loss).
This is almost fill of dialouge, the majority is passive tense and in third person. I like the way the author has written this. It gives the reader something to ponder on how the companions adjust to life after the Doctor. Also you see how an intervention between the characters plays out.
I would like to inco-operate some of these themes such as Donna's memory loss etc into my own story.

Fanfic #5
007 + SH + doctor

This one I found a little confusing...
To begin with it was very long and I found myself trailing off down the page.
The 007/watson/Doctor 11 crossover was a little too much.
As there was more than one chapter on the page I thought the author could have separated these on other pages but still reference them at the end of the chapters.I could just see where the authour was trying to go with the story. However, the layout could've been improved.

Fanfic #6

 http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6859517/1/A_Nightmare_to_Remember

This is the fanfic I was hoping to find as it has a lot of description about the scenes, not much dioalouge. Also it involves #11's companion being left alone to fend for herself. It is a dream sequence so the author had the ability to add a quick change to the scence etc.

Fanfic # 7

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6610302/4/Remembering

This fanfic is mostly dialouge that is written in the present tense. I think that the author has written it the way it would play out on screen more so the whole "if Donna remembered, it would kill her" instance. Sadly this was the last of four chapters and it would have been great if the author had written at least a conclusion chapter. Nonetheless, the layout was good compared to the last fan fic and there wasn't too much in one section.

Fanfic # 8

Three Doctors at Dinner

A comedic look at what would happen if the last three doctors were in a room together. I like how the author has combined all three doctors together with Rose who plays a big role in two of the doctors lives. This is a good and clever parody, with references to the characters personality traits. The layout was easy to read and the tense was third person also.

Fanfic #9
Impossible_Things

This author has stringed together a chapter using present tenses. I like the layout of the story there was text that contained a back story and narrative plot line. There were brief descriptions after dialouges to show what the character was doing. Even though this was a really good story, I don't think that it would be an ideal circumstance to bring a character back onto Doctor Who.
Fanfic #10
A_Matter_of_Life_and_Death

My final fanfic is a touching one between Donna's grandfather Wilf and the Doctor. There is a lot of emotional descriptions in the text. The text is in third person. The story reminds me of a father-son situation where the father is giving the son some piece of mind or advice. This is quite sad and suicidal at the same time really. The layout of both chapters is good but again like the last fan fic, I don't really see this panning out on screen.

Talofaaaaa!

Talofa lava! Have a faaaaab day :)



Some soothing island music lol... by Fiji Veikoso :)



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