Chloe's Ten Fanfic Collections

Harry Potter

Draco & Hermoine

 The story begins with a heated argument firing between the happy couple - Hermione and Draco, against Ron Weasley, Hermione’s ex and father of her children. Ron is infuriated that she is with the man he absolutely loathes and cannot see the logic in why she would end up with someone like him. As he has come to see his children, whom he has never supported because he left them, he tries to enforce his ‘visitation rights’ of which Hermione denies him of. The love between Hermione and Draco becomes truly evident as Hermione sees how much Draco adores and cares about her and her children.

The text in this fan fiction is almost entirely of dialogue. The writer has used really explicit language to show the infuriation of the current situation and the feelings between the two parties. “What the fuck Hermione! You’re fucking him?”

The dialogue is really good in the way that it is completely realistic and logical and you are really able to visualize the scene without needing to read any bits in between to give you more information. The information and description is simply there in itself already. I think the writer did a really good job in showing the relationship between the 3 of them in a ‘real world’ context. Because it is a continuation of the lives of three people in their adulthood, it does seem appropriate for them to be speaking in such profanity since they are no longer the innocent children they used to be.

“Dear Lord Voldemort”

This fanfiction piece is based on the perplexity of a very young girl who witnessed Voldemort killing her parents. As a small child she writes him a letter, of which she keeps over years and years, unable to forget the unfortunate events of her parents’ untimely death.

I think this fanfic does work as far as perspective goes. You are definitely able to decipher that this is coming from a small child because the language is appropriate to the youthful naivety of the character. Because it is a childs view, the language is not really descriptive, yet its simplicity is enough to give you an image of the confusion and trauma coming from the eyes of an innocent child. This piece is definitely intended to be emotional but personally I found I wasn’t able to connect as much as I wanted to, because the writing was almost entirely grammatically correct.  Obviously from a child that young, you would expect to see a few spelling errors or even a missing apostrophe?! I think if the writer had written it in this format it would have fit her description in the first paragraph – “The handwriting is the awkward script of a young child still learning how letters are meant to be formed”, as well as making it a lot more believable and realistic.

Ron & Hermione

Ron and Harry have finished school and are about to embark on new ventures together, over to America to become Aurors. Ron must leave behind his best friend and girlfriend of 2 years, Hermione, who discovers something not long after Ron leaves, that will inevitably change both of their lives forever.

This has to be one of the best fanfic pieces i have read thus far. The story has a great sense of imagery in it, nice description, with a lot of familiar subjects in it that you can relate to easily from within the HarryPotter storyline. It could well be published as a book following the last one of the series. Because the language used is quite descriptive, I think the writer did really well in paragraphing the text appropriately, so that you always got a sufficient amount of information to hold your attention to the suspense of the scene. I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter, and I am anticipating continuing to the second. 

Lilly and James

Lilly Evans is the new Head Girl for Hogwarts School, and to her dismay, her rival James Potter is Head Boy. Lilly loathes James and his friends for their mischievous ways, yet nothing Lilly does or says can make James like her any less.

I found this fanfiction, like the previous one analyzed, to be really, really well written. It is clever, humorous but insightful, and not too descriptive or wordy, which I think I find more easy and pleasurable to read. The text flows freely and the paragraph structure works well to break in the appropriate places.  I also noticed that the dialogue is written superbly as well. There is hardly any unnecessary text in-between dialogue, and it is realistic. The writer obviously read the Harry Potter series a lot because there were a nice variety of subjects within the original storyline that had been used and incorporated into this fanfic piece, to make it more believable.  I thought overall it was a good first chapter and it worked really well as a piece that would fit as a separate book to the HP series.

Draco & Hermione

“He had seen her the moment he stepped into the restaurant. He always knew where she was. It was as if his heart was imbedded with a compass and she was his constant North. Wherever she was, he was sure to follow.”

It is Valentine’s Day and Hermione Granger is being stood up from her blind date set up by the suave Mr. Draco Malfoy. She is actually in love with Draco at this time who she regrettably understands to already have a girlfriend. She waits in the restaurant recalling the events which had led her into falling in love with him. Draco also soon discovers he is falling in love with her and so he breaks up with his girlfriend, not telling Hermione until the opportune moment (Valentine’s Day) where he tells her of his fake-blind-date-set-up in the ploy to finally announce his love for her.

I found this fan fiction to be incredulously cheesy. Though I personally am not a fan of “cheesy” romances, I think it worked well with this particular piece. The story is written in 3rd person and switches between the two characters and the dialogue between them. This story starts off really well, the imagery is good and you are able to follow with what’s going on. However, as you get to the dialogue part, you become unfocussed because it is no longer a story, but just a whole lot of words to get you quickly from this part to the next. The writer used some really good words in the story, though unfortunately she used some of these more than once, which took away the power and meaning of the word itself within different parts of the text. I think if the writer focused on making the dialogue more realistic than descriptive, the story could have worked a little bit better.

Ginevra Nymphadora Black

This fanfic is based on the daughter of Tonks and Sirius. Ginervra - “Ginny”, has lost both her parents by the time she is 11 and is then sent off to live with her fathers family. This doesn’t work out very well for her, but in time she is able to escape and is rescued by her fathers house elf, who then looks after her and prepares her for her new start at Hogwarts School.

The opening paragraph was okay, nothing majorly out of place about it. But from that point, the entire story jumped all over the place and there was really no connection between the paragraphs. There were a lot of really obvious errors within the text, the punctuation and grammar were often incorrect and the frequent forgetting of a comma ensured your confusion by then end of the full stop.  Much of the text was boring, there was no real imagery in the words, not much description and a lot of ‘useless’ information. There was no suspense or excitement within the plot. It was incredibly, incredibly hard to keep reading on. I felt as though I had been forced fed all this information that really could have been spread nicely over 5 chapters. The storyline is actually fine, but if the writer had tried to connect the paragraphs together or even made each of them more detailed or descriptive, it could have worked. Oh and re-correcting grammatical errors could have made a difference as well.

Avatar: The Last Airbender/ Harry Potter

Zuko and Azula attend their very first day at Hogwarts, anticipating which House the sorting hat will put them in. Zuko watches as his malevolent sister makes it easily into Slytherin, which will be much to the delight of their father Ozai. Zuko waits to get sorted, hoping to be put into Slytherin as well, but the sorting hat chooses otherwise.

As far as grammar and general imagery in the text goes, I think this fanfic piece was okay. However, the storyline is very unoriginal and the characters from Avatar have only replaced the characters of Harry Potter. I was quite disappointed about this because I thought there could have been something different about this storyline, being that perhaps each student were sorted according to which element they possessed (fire, earth, water, air). But sadly, there was no real introduction to anything different within this first chapter. The dialogue and paragraphing is good, no major errors, and the language is not overly descriptive. I think this piece does work, but could have been better, had there been a bit more inclusions of subjects within the Avatar storyline.

Kingdom Hearts/ Harry Potter

Sora, Riku and Kairi see a dashing light fall rapidly from the sky. Kairi gets there just in time to catch what appears to be a small baby boy. It is then that they meet Harry, who they will raise as their own.

Personally, I found this fanfic to be really amateur. I realize that most fanfiction are written by little 15 year old kids who are over-obsessive about characters and storylines, but this one just lacked things in certain places all the time. At some points you were starting to believe in the authors writing ability, but then you were disappointed by its cheeziness and its unreliable variance between over-described paragraphs, and “nothing” ones. You simply kept jumping from being overwhelmed with a tonne of information, and then getting bored with what you had.  I think with the dialogue also, the writer tried too hard to show the tone of the scene with too much narration. It would’ve been simpler and clearer without consistently having lines follow such as – “the island boy said… she commented jokingly…She queried”. Including narrative constantly after the dialogue is just so unnecessary that in fact it makes you bored just reading it.

Though the vocabulary in this piece was quite alright, as were some of the descriptiveness in the passages, I was very disappointed by the end of it, and sadly very disconnected from the story through utter boredom.

Rose Weasley & Scorpius Malfoy

After an eventful party, Rose discovers she is pregnant with the child of her unlikely match, Scorpius Malfoy.

This piece is written in first person, from the perspective of Rose Weasley, daughter of Hermione and Ron. I found this fanfic to be a really good read, and I thoroughly enjoyed the small bits of humor scattered within it. The text is written quite realistically and it works well, particularly because you are really able to connect with the character this way and to understand how she is feeling, being a young girl, pregnant, and realizing its inevitable affect on herself and those around her. The grammar was quite good with this piece, it made sense, and the vocabulary was good too. I also noticed they way the narrative was structured, being a paragraph of long descriptive sentences, and then a short simple one on its own. This writing pattern worked well because the writer kept building up the tension with the suspense of the scene, and then drop you, and then build you up some more and then continue the cycle. This writing technique really made me want to keep reading on.

The End of Lord Voldemort

This fanfic is based on the final battle between Harry and Voldemort. Of course it eventually comes to its inevitable end, and Harry proves triumphant over his enemy. This fanfic describes the final curse that struck even through the land, revealing its true glorious power upon it.

I thought this piece was rather interesting. It described the events of which the Dark Lord and his followers fell, but I personally felt like the landscape in the story was more important than them. Perhaps it was because I could really visualize the writer’s descriptiveness in all the destructive effect it had on the land, and also its rough appearance thereafter. It made me feel the intensity of the situation, the emotion of the characters and their awe of what it had done to the ground they stood on. The language in this piece is so visual, clear and realistic that I am still imagining myself falling from the shaking grounds, as I am writing this very review.  

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